A positive attitude helps brighten any situation. Despite a lack of fireworks, I made the most of a first date. Why not? It's always fun getting to know another human being. While I wouldn't be able to RSVP "plus 1", I would be "plus 1" in the friend department. What better way to add a little frivolity than by faking sudden deafness!? After giving no indication I'm hard of hearing, I completely ignore his question regarding my usual holiday plans. As he repeats the query, I widen my eyes and stare at his lips, as if to say, "I see you're talking but can't hear a single word!" I aggressively tug on both lobes, and then move my jaw around like I'm desperate to pop my ears. Mimicking a swimmer fresh from the pool, I tilt my head and repeatedly smack the side of my face. After that: unadulterated screams of panic. Assuming we're experiencing domestic issues, the maitre d' calls the cops and kicks us out. The police confuse my lack of response with attitude. As they have me pinned against a brick wall, my date yells, "She went deaf! She literally just went deaf!" A month later, he pays me a visit. Having studied speech patterns of the hearing-impaired, I inform him we can't date because he reminds me of the precise moment I lost my hearing, you know, sort of a Pavlovian deal.
(Courtesy Chicken Soup for the Soul)
